Thursday, Nov. 12
By Katherine Schneider, for the CVPost
One of the few good things to come out of the pandemic for me has been increased awareness of the importance of friendships in my world.
Friends come in many varieties:
- The Facebook friends who share something with me they know I’ll enjoy.
- The long-term friend from work 40 years ago who writes about a letter a week.
- The small squad of friends who pick up take-out food and bring it over for a backyard picnic. This friendship started with one person who then introduced me to others, so my web of friends now includes the whole squad.
- The friend living in assisted living who puts forth the effort to carry on a conversation when I call her even though her word-finding skills are in decline.
- The friends who drop off a serving of dinner so I get someone else’s cooking occasionally.
All of these are examples of the shine theory; e.g. I invest in you and you in me, to promote each other’s best selves.
Sharing worlds that are different
Then there are the friends who stretch me by sharing their worlds that are different than mine. They include a CEO, a political conservative and a person living in assisted living who can’t leave her room. When I listen to them, my views of issues are challenged and my world enriched.
Friends are chosen family.
Earlier this year a friend I knew 45 years ago stopped by. Our conversation effortlessly switched from “what are you up to these days?” to our activism back in grad school days. The knowledge that someone has known me through ups and downs, and still comes around, warms my heart in this time of social distancing.
All of these friends were around before COVID, but as in-person opportunities to be with friends have decreased, I’ve focused more on how I can tend the friendships and strengthen them. Four single friends have become my pod that I check on daily.
I’ve come to know much more about their lives just because of the daily check ins. It’s fun to try to think of a new question to ask each day, instead of “are you okay”? On Carl Sagan’s birthday (thank you, Alexa, for telling me), I asked if they liked looking up at the stars at night and each one did.
A line from a song we sang in Girl Scouts comes to mind: “Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold.” Even during a pandemic – perhaps especially during a pandemic – you can reach out and call someone and both of you may well be the better for it.