Thursday, August 6
By Katherine Schneider, for the CVPost
As a person with a lifelong disability, I’ve always struggled with asking for help.
With 70 years of experience behind me, I’d like to offer the following tips to those who are “vulnerable” because of COVID and need to ask others for accommodations.
1. Figure out what you need exactly.
2. Remind yourself you’re not alone; half the people over 65 have a disability and will need disability-related help. The many other “vulnerable” folk around you may need the same thing you do. If you’re Christian and trying to talk yourself into asking, remind yourself that even Jesus asked His disciples to wait and watch with Him.
3. Remind yourself that you’re giving a gift by letting yourself be helped, because people like to help and somebody has to be the receiver! It’s your turn now!
4. Reframe (at least in your own mind) or offer a trade: “If you give me a ride, I’ll buy you a cup of coffee”
5. Strategize how the person you’re asking can most successfully meet your request. For example, a request to “point my finger toward the bank building” rather than asking “where is the bank?” and running the risk of having the person you’re asking pointing or saying left when they mean right.
6. Say a happy “thanks,” – not an apology for the need but a strong thanks for meeting it.
7. Keep helping and asking so the balancing act can go on between helping and being helped. This includes asking others to lobby for accommodations and lobbying for them as well. Even if you’re “safer at home” you can still contact officials and rally advocates and allies.
Now, some thoughts on what you can do to help when you’re in the role of the giver:
A. Offer help freely – “May I help?” rather than “Do you NEED help?”
B, Point out that you benefit from my company; e.g. “I have to go and would like company. Want to ride with?” Or, “I have to go to the store anyway, what can I get for you?”
C. Listen to what I ask for instead of dishing out what you think I need. If I ask you to wear a mask in my house, don’t tell me how masks probably don’t help anyway.
All of this plays into what we’ve been saying from the beginning: “We’ll get through this together!”
Libby Hedstrom says
Such good, thoughtful tips, pandemic or no. I hadn’t thought of most of these strategies before.
Thank you!